then. fourteen. ninth grade. my world was so much different then than it is now. i lived in oregon and was still mostly innocent. i really didn't know anything about how the world worked, how soon thoughts about college and scholarships and marriage would come. i also didn't know how far my limits could stretch. i didn't have any responsibility and the hardest thing for me to do was to make my bed every morning.
i presumed that i could keep myself out of the drama. because lets face it; drama is for other people. i didn't have an addiction to crystal light or horses. i dreamt about changing other's lives. i didn't hate chickens or know which way of a saddle pad was up.
truth is, i didn't really know anything.
now. sixteen. eleventh grade. who knew so much could happen in two years? i live in idaho and i realize that i play a very small part in the scheme of things. however, that part is significant. i've learned that people really aren't all they're cracked up to be, especially in high school. i've learned to be cautious and smart but also to be bold or be lonely. i have an addiction to crystal light. making my bed in the morning is still hard to do but it's the least of my worries. sometimes i worry too much. "are the animals fed?" "are stalls clean?" "did i pull the tractor in?" "do i have a test tomorrow?" "i can't go out, i have too many chores to do." "is she mad at me?" "why do i even care what they think?" drama isn't something you can keep yourself out of, but it is something you can learn to handle and control maturely and with dignity and grace. i don't just dream of changing people's lives, i am changing people's lives. i still don't know everything, and i know who i am and what i'm supposed to do here.
and that's enough for me.
:)
jessica
