awkward eloquence.

dear boy,

first off, i think i should get the preliminary questions out of the way. hi. how's the family? good? good. the weather? yeah i know, it sucks. no snow. & how are you doing? please don't feel obligated to answer that one because i think i already know what the answer is. you can nod and say you're doing fine, but i know you don't want to talk to me. not even about the weather, or utah state basketball, or your time trials that you invited me to that i never showed up at. i really am sorry about that, but i didn't know if the invitation still stood after i broke your heart.

its been almost two weeks since we've talked. and i don't mean the "hey what's goin' on?" type of text conversations we've been having. i mean the type that we used to have. the kind where you would tell me whats been going on with your family, how your brothers are doing, the stupid things that jake and morgan do. the kind that you would tell me you miss me & that you'll meet me after school. its okay to tell me those things still. i know we can't be together, you said it yourself, but i still love you and i'm always here. please don't be afraid of me. i know i hurt you, but please, please believe it wasn't on purpose.

but mostly, i'm writing for a few reasons. i think i'm writing you just to wish you a merry christmas. you're in utah, so i'm sorry i can't stop by to give you a kiss on the cheek & your favorite pizza. i'm writing you to tell you thank you. for always knowing what to say, what lame jokes to tell, and sharing the best running paths around boise with me. if i ever see you there i promise i'll wave. thanks for letting me be your first love. i'm sorry it didn't work out how we planned- but if we're meant to be it will happen. thank you for the basketball games, the hugs in the dark, and accepting me for who i am. i will always love you for that. i hope you never forget me & that i changed you for the better. i hope you think about me whenever you hear our song & all the things we shared.

if you're reading this, i hope it helps you understand. i hope that all your dreams come true.

and i'll always miss your soft kisses goodnight.

i love you.

jessica.